[Fwd: In the Navy from N4ZH, Terry]
David V. Rogers
Sat, 07 Nov 1998 15:53:54 -0500
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From: Dick Rucker <email@example.com>
Subject: In the Navy from N4ZH, Terry
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>Date: Fri, 06 Nov 1998
>From: Terry Hines <thines@MSIS.dmso.mil>
>Subject: In the Navy
>Ah - the Navy - It's an adventure ... the suggestions below are made on
>behalf of those who think the Navy is a "TOP GUN" existence. You know,
>those who watched one too many episodes of JAG, and think that Navy life is
>To experience Navy life, try a couple of these - right in the comfort of
>your own homes.
>1. Buy a dumpster, paint it gray and live in it for 6 months straight.
>2. Run all of the piping and wires inside your house on the outside of the
>3. Pump 10 inches of nasty, crappy water into your basement, then pump it
>out, clean up, and paint the basement "deck gray."
>4. Every couple of weeks, dress up in your best clothes and go the
>scummiest part of town, find the most run down, trashy bar you can, pay $10
>per beer until you're hammered, then walk home in the freezing cold.
>5. Perform a weekly disassembly and inspection of your lawnmower.
>6. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays turn your water temperature up to
>200 degrees, then on Tuesday and Thursday turn it down to 10 degrees. On
>Saturdays, and Sundays declare to your entire family that they used too
>much water during the week, so all showering is secured.
>7. Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling.
>8. Have your next door neighbor come over each day at 5am, and blow a
>whistle so loud that Helen Keller could hear it and shout "Reveille,
>Reveille, all hands heave out and trice up."
>9. Have your mother-in-law write down everything she's going to do the
>following day, then have her make you stand in the back yard at 6am and
>read it to you.
>10. Eat the raunchiest Mexican food you can find for three days straight,
>then lock the bathroom door for 12 hours, and hang a sign on it that reads
>"Secured - contact OA DIV at X-3053."
>11. Submit a request form to your father-in-law, asking if it's ok for you
>to leave your house before 3pm.
>12. Invite 200 of your not-so-closest friends to come over, then board up
>all the windows and doors to your house for 6 months. After the 6 months is
>up, take down the boards, and since you're on duty, wave at your friends
>and family through the front window of your home...you can't leave until
>the next day.
>13. Shower with above-mentioned friends.
>14. Make your family qualify to operate all the appliances in your home
>(i.e. Dishwasher operator, blender technician, etc)
>15. Walk around your car for 4 hours checking the tire pressure every 15
>16. Sit in your car and let it run for 4 hours before going anywhere. This
>is to ensure your engine is properly "lit off".
>17. Empty all the garbage bins in your house, and sweep your driveway 3
>times a day, whether they need it or not.
>18. Repaint your entire house once a month.
>19. Cook all of your food blindfolded, groping for any spice and seasoning
>you can get your hands on.
>20. Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, randomly
>losing every 5th item.
>21. Spend $20,000 on a satellite system for your TV, but only watch CNN
>and the Weather Channel.
>22. Have your 5-year-old cousin give you a haircut with goat shears.
>23. Sew back pockets to the front of your pants.
>24. Spend 2 weeks in the red-light districts of Europe, and call it "world
>25. Attempt to spend 5 years working at McDonald, and NOT get promoted.
>26. Needle gun the aluminum siding on your house after your neighbors have
>gone to bed.